I hope you have not, but I know everyone has gone through this at some point in our lives, and definitely will go through it. There is no easy way to manage it, you just have to push through it and continuously remind yourself that it is OK to feel the way you're feeling. Remind yourself to breathe and to surround yourself with people who loves you.
In 2019 I had to make one of the worst decisions of my life - to put my dog Charlie to sleep. He was my very own first fur baby; he was sick with the flu and that was the only reason I took him to the vet that cold morning in early December. I couldn't be overdramatic like you would see in the movies, telling the doctor that there must be a mistake. I just couldn't think at all. I just took a deep breath and I stared at Charlie for the longest time (it could've been just a couple of minutes, but I also couldn't measure time). The world stopped at the words, 'he has cancer and two weeks tops.'
A few weeks ago, I was given the chance to resign the job I've had for almost a decade. I never knew I could also grieve over the loss of a job, but I guess a loss is a loss. There are emotions attached to a job you enjoy and did not expect losing any time EVER. Plus, the coworkers turned family, and the situation itself and how it unfolded.
We all deal with grief differently, obviously. I was angry at the fact that I didn't catch any signs sooner so I could save Charlie; I was angry that I couldn't afford doing more for him even if he had two weeks left; I was angry at God for making him suffer. I was infuriated with the way my resignation unfolded, after all the years I put into the organization and how nonchalantly I was disposed of. Why was I the only one being let go when technically I wasn't the one. Why wasn't HR present. Why Why Why.
I had to take a minute to be realistic and honest with myself - accept my place and responsibility in each situation. This helped me minimize the 'What-Ifs'. We know that we can't go back so we should not entertain those thoughts because they kill your spirit. I could feel my soul withering when I lost Charlie, and the bargaining stage was the hardest. Losing my job, I could feel the bitterness spread throughout my being the more I thought of how unfair it was to sign away a decade of my life without a fight.
Thankfully I have writing as a creative outlet, so I was able to deal with losing Charlie. I was able to put down in words all the good things and memories that I have with him. I should also add that I had professional help as well; nonetless, it was still hard to allow myself to grieve.
Now, technology and years of therapy gave me the skills to express myself in video format. So I was able to close the circle through a podcast theme. I unpacked the boxes that contained years of office memories and I signed that chapter with The End. I can't wait to watch those videos in ten years from today and check in with my emotions, but even now as I rewatch, I am okay.
Once again, we all deal with grief differently; this worked for me, but I hope it works for you too.