Monday, March 1, 2021

1. " I'm 30-something... NOW WHAT?"

Welcome to the Gun Show.

Mandy - Amigos X Siempre

As you can tell, my fashion style has been non-existent from the beginning. I wore whatever I could afford and hoping that I could pull it off. Now, as a thirty year old, I cannot afford this 'luxury' 😝
What can I wear? The skinny jeans that were in back in the day are not longer an option. I see dudes my age and they have their own style and it looks good on them. I am unsure what works and what doesn't. I know! At my age AND being gay. You would think I would have it all figured out; well, I am here to tell you, even I go through the "I have nothing to wear" situation every time I have to wear pants.

The Wolfpack

I used to ask my younger brother to dress me so I wouldn't look TOO GAY, but in all reality, I liked his style better. They copied my handwriting back then so it was only fair. 

So tell me, what can I wear that won't me look like a fuck boy, but it's my age and it looks decent? I think the way I look in my picture with The Wolfpack is not too bad. I don't look like a grandpa, but I don't look like a Kris Jenner (you know, trying to be young and hip). 

This being said, I want to transition into the main topic.
What am I supposed to be doing at this point in my life? I kind of had an idea, but it just didn't work out the way I planned. Am I the only one with this concern? Are you completely content with where you're at in life? Most of my friends have kids and the whole white picket fence, and I am genuinely happy for this; but was this what you had in mind? Is there anything else you can add to your life now that would make it even better? What is it and how can you accomplish this? Why haven't you started working towards it then? These are the questions I keep asking myself. The same questions I keep writing down in my journal, year after year. 
The novel I continue to say I am working on, still in process.
Buying a house? Still unsure if we want to stay in Nebraska.
Owning a business? No idea what kind of business.
Kids? I'm too young and I still have plans that do not include children.

I cannot be the only one with this dilemma.
Either way, this is about me and I need to stop writing about it and get it going. Don't get me wrong, I am living the life I wanted to - the gay white picket fence (which is in the eye of the beholder). I am one of the lucky ones and I am grateful. Yet there is still so much more I can do to improve. There is always something we can do day by day. Remain positive and take the time to smell the flowers during those tough and busy times.


[ ...Relax. Take it Easy. ]

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