27. The Best Holiday of the Year.

"Unfortunately, no one told me about the slut rule, so I showed up like this....."    -- Mean Girls.      

                                    

If you know me, you know that I LOVE HALLOWEEN! I love dressing up, and I think I commit to it as much as my wallet allows me to, which has also led me to having to be creative and use what I have around the house or recycle what I had worn in the past. What type of Halloweeiner are you? The skimpy dress and animal ears? The 'This is my Halloween costume' shirt? The 'Im too cool to dress up'? Again, I understand money is tight, especially around that time close to family holidays, but Halloween is your excuse to do something fun for yourself. Don't you think? Shit, get yourself into a transparent trash bag and fill it with balloons of different colors and you are a bag of Skittles or a gum ball machine. Some paint and fangs and you're a vampire. Stuff that you can get from Dollar Tree. Ask a friend to borrow stuff. I guess I'm just inviting you to my Halloween Bash 2025 even if you don't wear anything, just show up.

You see, as I have said in many many MANY posts in the past, I have experienced instances that left me with insecurities that I'm still working on to overcome. I know, I'm too old for that shit, but I can't help it. Blame my therapist for not fixing me (kidding, I am totally normal).

So yeah, Halloween gives me the chance to be whoever I want and let go of my inhibitions. I don't have to overthink... although I do worry in the beginning of the party that not many people will show up, I have to remind myself that it's okay. Whoever shows up wanted to be there, and it will be fun, I just need to relax and be a good host and hopefully I have been.

I mentally prepare myself months in advance or try to, anyway. Apparently, according to my husband, I freak out the day of - and I might, but I just want everything to be the way I envisioned it. I want people to have fun and not regret choosing my party over others. Maybe I try too hard, and it just ends up being cringe. Fuck! Now I'm thinking about past parties and how they unfolded. No, I cannot allow myself to spiral into a mental breakdown. Breathe, bitch.

Okay, I'm better.

So yeah, I just wanted to share with you one of the ways I cope with anxiety at the beginning of family holidays, a form or self-care if I say so myself. My husband says I am a diva, and I always want to be the last one to come out of the room to show off my costume, and it is possible that such a nasty comment might be true (lol), after all, as I said above, it is for me and about me. Shamelessly. I need that one night to endure the rest of the year. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy my times with the family, I just can't help when anxiety will hit me, but I try my darnest to be present. Everything else after Halloween, it's not about or for me. I might stop by for a couple of hours and hit the road, but God knows I pushed through my limit to stay as long as I do. This might sound like an excuse, and I don't blame you for it, but it's my truth. And I wish it wasn't.

In the meantime, I am looking forward to this October, while going through the e/motions. It's been a rough first half of the year, but I keep my head up and make it one day at a time. Ugh, too much information, but who cares, the five people that read this blog already know this. Anyway, I'll report back after I host this year's Gathering (I call it that, so it takes the stress away from the word). And I hope to see you there.

Also, don't forget........

[ ...Relax. Take it Easy. ]

Disclaimer - my parties and costumes do not represent my place of employment and should not affect it either.