Describe one of your earliest childhood memories. How
old were you? What bits and pieces can you recall?
I guess if you want
to know why I am afraid to do things we can date it back to kindergarten. I
don’t know how old I was, but I am going to say I was pretty young and
impressionable, so I've carried this memory into my adulthood. I've always liked school; you can say I'm a nerd. I have always gotten good grades and I want to think that the teachers liked me, which was a blessing and a curse, you may also add.
Obviously, I was never popular, but I never followed anyone though. Yet, I'm sure I let peer pressure dictate a few of my actions at some point.
This one time in kindergarten, my class escaped the classroom through the window to the go to the playground.
I remember feeling guilty for doing something I knew I shouldn't, but
they were my new friends, and I didn't want to be the party pooper. And just as I put my foot over the windowsill, the
teacher walked into the classroom. Looking back, I don’t
know why I was the only one who got in trouble. I was taken to the principal who gave me a speech about my poor choice; mind you I was five years old. I don't remember
much after that, but I pinpoint that experience the reason why I'm afraid to take
risks. Remember I was feeling guilty before I decided to jump out the window, which now I call my 'gut feeling' and it's helped me through the years, which is another blessing or a curse in my list of so many of them. But it has also kept me from trying new things, or just simple things that people do on a normal basis. I think given my age, it's a little silly to try make up for lost time.
I guess for now, I will focus on what I can do to heal my inner child/teenager (besides therapy lol). Thankfully I have some skills to aid me along the way. I recommend the same to those in the same/similar position. It's never too late, depending on the situation and your health of course, let's be real. Anyway, take a look within and I hope you find the peace and strength you might need.
[ ... Relax. Take It Easy ... ]